Tag Archive: old

Mar 01

Potty Trained

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. “Just a minute,” I said, thinking of …

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Feb 20

Three Old Ladies

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I was taking it out or putting it away.” The second lady said, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing …

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Feb 15

Looking For Sex

When I went to City Hall to renew my dog’s license I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like one too!” Then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I …

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Oct 07

Two Old Drunks

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says, “Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection, I couldn’t bend it, even using both hands. By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried really hard. By the time I was fifty, …

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Jul 07

An Old Indian

An old indian, Charlie Two Shirts, came rowing onto the dock on a lake. He tied his boat up and unloaded his fishing box that was full of fish. The Game warden was standing there and said: “Charlie there aren’t that many fish in this lake. How did you get those?” Charlie said: “Oh it …

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Jun 28

A Yankee Lawyer Went Duck Hunting

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, “I shot a duck and it …

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May 13

The Umbrella

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, “I’ve never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?” The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, “I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day …

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Dec 24

Police Officer And 5 Little Old Ladies

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there …

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Oct 13

HOW A 98-YEAR-OLD GRANDPA MAKES INCREDIBLE ART USING MS PAINT

Hal Lasko’s style is uniquely his own, a sort of digital pointillism forged by a rare combination of skill and circumstance. A retired typographer and graphic designer, Lasko spent decades creating custom lettering from scratch for advertising campaigns for the Cleveland Browns and Goodyear tires. About 15 years ago, his family got a computer, loaded …

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