Tag Archive: bar

May 09

The Irishman’s Olives

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all …

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Apr 30

The Healer

A semi-crippled Libertarian came into a bar and with difficulty, hoisted his bad leg over the bar stool, pulled himself up and asked for a sip of whiskey. He looked down the bar and asked, “Is that Jesus down there?” The bartender nodded and the Libertarian told him to give Jesus a whiskey also. The …

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Apr 28

Irish Tradition

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more. The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon …

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Feb 11

Raffle Prizes

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti …

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Dec 09

Winding Up The Tough Guy

I was sitting at a bar one time, when I noticed that, next to me, an old drunk was hassling one of the biggest, toughest guys I’d ever seen. The old guy was clearly blasted, and kept getting in the tough guy’s face, say, “I f*cked your mother.” Despite being huge and jacked, the tough …

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Oct 23

Pirates In Bar

So, there are these two pirates talking in this bar. One’s got a wooden leg and a hook and even a patch too. The other one’s just got the pirate clothes. So the second pirate says to the first, “how’d ya get that wooden leg mate?”. The first reply’s “arrr, it done got bit off …

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Aug 28

Drunk

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best lay in town!” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, and the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far …

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Jun 17

One Day At A Local Bar

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers. As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars …

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May 27

Golden Saloon

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. “At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a …

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Apr 08

Three Desperately ill Men Met With Their Doctor One Day

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual sex addict. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.” The men …

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